Discussion of Step #1

    

Step #1 is the problem. 

A clear understanding of the problem is true relief from the problem. 

I had many problems in my life and in my active addiction but I would never have guessed that I was the problem.  More importantly I went through life trying to blame other people, places, and situations on exactly that, anything other than myself. It certainly wasn't the numerous drugs (Special K, cocaine, meth, ice, X, GHB, pills, weed or chronic , and my personal favorite Heroin) and booze, preferably beer, that I loaded my body with constantly. Day in and day out I could not stop the Vicious Cycle that was a constant in my life, addiction. The life that I led was one in which I was about to end in misery. 

I was a successful guy in my younger adult years but it all went away, living in Hollywood, California, and was there on making some serious money. I had a watch business with watches that every celebrity in Hollywood was wearing www.timebanditswatches.com , and I threw it all away. I had no chance from the beginning because I wasn't ever right with myself since before I was a teenager.  

I was 13 when I took my first drink and I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. I was in Maumelle at a house party, the first party of high school and everybody was new to me. I was extremely uncomfortable at the party and watched as the other kids drank and acted the fool. So I decided, under peer pressure, to try it. The first drink I ever took was Jack Daniel's Black Label, it was in a half pint (not that much) and what happened next I will never forget...

They say that One in Ten are alcoholics and God made me lucky.  So I was "without ease" or dis-ease. This is my disease: 

Everybody else was taking a sip and passed the bottle, it went around the room and stopped in my hands. I looked into the bottom of the bottle of Whisky and looked up at the white ceiling. I got this warm fuzzy in control feeling (it was definitely fuzzy) then I took off all my clothes. Ran down the stairs into the street and started screaming at the top of my lungs. I ran through the streets of Maumelle, Arkansas,  for a few hours and when I came to from the blackout a spotlight was in my face and it blinded me. 

The voice on the other end of the light said, "Put your hands on your head, " and I did what I was supposed to do, in my mind anyway. I ran. I took off back up the stairs where this had all started and acted like I was asleep. That night, the scene outside of the house was one out of the show COPS, police were everywhere taking everyone to jail. Also there were a few ambulances taking the girls to the hospital who got hit in the face with the beer can with blood squirting out of their faces.  That night everybody went to jail or to the emergency room but me and two other guys. 

From that first drink when I was 13, I was Powerless. 

Step #1: To be continued: A link will follow 

See: www.aa.org